Heaven's Help

Both boys are sleeping now, so I should be too but I really wanted to write the things that I am feeling right now because I am afraid I will forget them if I don't.

The past few days I have found myself being down more and kind of unhappy with my life right now, and it frustrates me that I feel that way when I have the life I have always wanted. I also feel super guilty for feeling this way also. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally, two beautiful healthy children, friends who love and support me, health, etc.  Why do I feel so unhappy then?

I went to a park this morning with some friends, and on the way back from there we were talking about how challenging it is to be a mom to small children.  She has 3 children of her own, so she definitely knows first hand what it feels like.  I didn't mean to come off like I was complaining, but I guess it showed that I was flustered.

One of the things that I love about this friend is how she always seems to know what to say to make you feel better.  I remember calling her as she was going through a challenging time to see if I could help her in some way, and I hung up feeling like I was the one uplifted.  She is just that kind of person.

She related the challenges of being a mother, wife, etc to the experience of the Israelites miraculously receiving manna in the wilderness. (I will probably totally butcher what she said, and it won't sound as good as she said it, but the gist of it hopefully will come across:)  As it says in the chapter summary in Exodus 16, they murmured "for the want of bread, and lust for the flesh pots of Egypt." The Lord then blessed them with manna which they received for 40 years.  After a while the manna lost its initial appeal and became a burden for them.

How she related it to life was that we get to this point in life as a mother, wife, homemaker, etc where we have the life we always wanted and yet we feel that it is a really heavy burden to have all of these roles.  That is exactly what I have been feeling lately.  I always wanted to get married and have a family and to do the things I always saw my mom do as a homemaker, but I never realized the weight that came a  long with that.  And sometimes, the weight is too much for me.

But there is hope and a way to feel peace because we are not a lone in this life.  We are not the only ones who know what it feels like to be stretched too far.  The Savior knows.  He knows exactly what it feels like to carry the weight of a mother.  That is what brings me peace.  I am not very good with words or expressing myself, so whenever I try to explain what I am feeling to someone else I never feel like I get my point across so they truly understand.  But the Savior knows.

My friend also talked about the enabling part of the Atonement that we don't always think about.  There is only so much time in a day and so many things that have to be done, but by turning to the Lord and giving our life to the Lord, He will make our efforts enough.  Because of what the Savior did for me, the gaps that I am not able to fill because of mortality, He will be able to fill and make it enough.  I will be able to do the things that He would have me do and say the things that He would have me do.

When I think of someone who uses this part of their Atonement on a daily basis I think of my mom.  She is the busiest person I know, but she always seems to do the most good out of anyone I know.  When she was here helping me after I had Kayden, I would just sit and stare at her in awe.  I didn't know how it was possible that she could do all that she does.  But today, as I was talking to my friend, it all made sense.  My mom is the perfect example of someone who relies on the Lord in all things, and you can see the Lord helping her and blessing her because of it.  I know that it is possible for me to have the same thing in my life, but I just need to let go of the guilt that holds me back and to rely on Heaven's help because it is there!

I am grateful for the Savior's Atonement, for the example of my mother, and an angel of a friend who make me believe that I can make it through this challenging time in my life.